One of the questions we get frequently at the Homeschool Compass goes something like this:
“I feel called to homeschool, but my husband isn’t on board. What should I do?”
“How can I convince my husband to let me homeschool?”
“I hate sending my kids away to school for hours each day, but my husband doesn’t support me in my desire to homeschool.”
You Are Not Alone
If this is you, please know that you are not alone. Many, many other mamas have walked this road before you.
While I haven’t been in this exact situation myself, I feel so much tenderness and compassion toward those who have.
I know what it’s like to be consumed by the feeling that everything would be so much better if your husband would just see things your way.
I know how heart-breaking it can be when you’re not on the same page about a major life decision.
And I know the temptation to badger and nag and keep bringing it up. I’d like to gently suggest that this is not the way.
The Fight for Unity
Here’s what I know for certain. God is not calling you to sow discord in your marriage, and He is not calling you to nurse bitterness toward your husband. I truly believe that creating hostility and division in your marriage will undermine any good thing you might possibly accomplish by homeschooling.
My best advice to you is to pray. Pray that God opens your husband’s eyes to the benefits of homeschooling. Pray that God brings a friend, a coworker, a stranger even into your husband’s life who has a positive experience of homeschooling to share. Pray that God gives your husband a vision for this calling and makes you united as a team.
When the topic of homeschooling comes up, seek to understand your husband’s concerns. Really listen to his perspective. Not so that you can refute his arguments. Not so that you can better spam him with pro-homeschooling articles and videos. Not so that you can change his mind. But so that you can show the love and honor that you promised him.
Implement a homeschool lifestyle where you can
Think about what aspects of the homeschool lifestyle you can incorporate into your family even if your children remain in school for now. Read books aloud before bed. Visit museums or take nature walks on the weekend. Read a chapter of the Bible together after dinner. Invite your husband to share his passion for woodworking or guitar or fishing with your children in a more intentional way. Limit outside activities and screen time so that you can enjoy a slower pace of life as a family. Think about how you can be more intentional with the time you do have with your children.
Pray some more
Above all, don’t stop praying. I have seen that there is great power in saying to the Lord, “I believe you are calling me to homeschool. I believe you are calling me to honor my husband. So if you want me to homeschool, you are going to have to do what I cannot and open my husband’s heart and mind to the idea. Show me how we can move forward from a place of unity.”
Believing That God’s Plans for You Are Good
I believe God is faithful to answer our prayers of earnest surrender. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not in the way you expected or hoped. But I believe He will show you a path forward that honors your marriage, honors your desire to homeschool, and honors the well-being of your family.
There are no guarantees that your husband will fall in love with homeschooling. It may be that God gives you peace about a different path. Or it may be that you will continue to wrestle with a desire to homeschool that remains unfulfilled.
I want you to know that you are still an amazing mom even if you never get to homeschool. You are still the exact right parent to love your kids and disciple them and nurture their growth. Sending your kids to a public or private or charter school doesn’t mean you love them any less. So keep being an amazing mom who loves her kids, prays for them, and raises them up in the Lord. You were made for this moment!