Today I am delighted to welcome Teresa Wiedrick to the Homeschool Compass blog to share an excerpt from her book, Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Teresa is the cappuccino-sipping mother of four self-directed learners. She and her family homestead in the beautiful Kootenay Mountain region of British Columbia, Canada. If this letter to a new homeschool mom resonates with you, be sure to check out Teresa’s book, podcast, and website for more ways to connect with her.
Dear First-Year Homeschool Mama,
I know you’re excited that you’ve discovered this amazing new lifestyle. And you are right! It is fantastic in so many ways.
Freedom to schedule as you wish. Freedom from schedules if you prefer.
Freedom to choose curriculum or no curriculum.
Freedom to follow your children’s passions. Freedom to follow your passions too.
Freedom to not wake up at the crack of dawn, or to wake up at the crack of dawn before the kids wake.
Freedom to not check homework or sign field trip release forms.
Freedom to do extracurriculars in the middle of the day and do errands too.
You’re enamored with homeschooling. I’m so happy for you. May I make four suggestions that will help you to continue enjoying homeschooling?
Don’t Over Schedule
If your first foray into homeschool planning includes reading homeschool philosophy books like Charlotte Mason, classical homeschooling, or project-based homeschooling, you may have created a schedule that might overwhelm a trained school teacher.
Homeschool planning books will offer many things to explore, so read and plan. But recognize what many long-term homeschoolers have learned: you’ll burn yourself out trying to include every clever activity. As a result of that burnout, you’ll wonder if you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake homeschooling in the first place.
Build margins into your days so you can have downtime. Have fun with your kids and follow your kids’ interests. You’ll build your philosophy as time goes by.
Don’t Over Purchase
You could go into a homeschool convention “just to look,” but I’ll bet in the first year you probably won’t. Bring luggage, they say (for all the books and curriculum you’re about to purchase). I say, in your excitement to plan your children’s education, you might spend a mortgage payment in your first year. By your tenth year, you’ll still be using the unused curriculum.
Or you can buy a little curriculum and supplement with a library card. Think “the library is my homeschool curriculum” (then supplement as needed).
I know you need books. I am aware you feel the pressure to have every book for every conceivable knowledge thread at your fingertips. I have five full bookshelves for just that purpose. The internet and library can be your bookshelves too.
Don’t Over Plan
Come August, and most homeschool mamas are hankering to plan another year of activities. That’s what happens after a relaxing summer. Because kids aren’t as appreciative of the planned, scripted days you prepared for them, they won’t always thank you that their every moment has a plan. All your efforts might make your existence feel validated, but your kids aren’t invested in completing your to-do list. Write your ideas in a planning journal, then hold them loosely and go with the flow.
True: your kids’ education requires conscientiousness. Why do this whole thing if we’re not going to do it right? Bigger question: what is “right”? We’re not competing with Google and we’re not trying to replace God as we educate our children. We’re trying to equip individuals to develop in their unique ways so they can grow up to become the unique people and contributors they were designed to be.
Don’t Expect Too Much
Of yourself or your kids! We hope to enjoy every moment with our children, love every activity we’ve planned, read every book we’ve purchased, and plan specific activities for every subject. This is the mathematical formula for homeschool frustration and unhappiness.
These homeschool responsibilities come with great rewards, but a great reward comes with great effort. There is a reason the public’s eyes bug out when you share you’re a homeschool family. Their gut instinct, that homeschooling is hard work, that it may be an overwhelming responsibility, is correct. There are few breaks. No external rewards. No pay. Often few accolades. (Once I was told I made up a job that didn’t need to exist. Nice. Thanks for that.) There is a small circle that even acknowledges your efforts, so you’d better be telling yourself you’re doing a great job, and don’t be unrealistic with your mama heart.
I’ll tell you why you shouldn’t overschedule, over-purchase, over-plan, and expect much: it will drain your happiness. Happiness happens, and then happiness passes too. But we’re all wired for happiness, whether we like to tell ourselves that or not. Real-life, real living, with all the challenges and curveballs, knocks at everyone’s door. That’s life. I’m confident anyone who entered the homeschool world has a certain level of idealism and optimism. Expect you’re going to expect too much. Be gracious with yourself when you discover you’re there, and focus on the happiness of you and your family.
For more encouragement and practical support from Teresa, grab your copy of Homeschool Mama Self-Care or check out our conversation with Teresa on episode 25 of the Homeschool Compass Podcast.
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